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[DPRG] Old Glory Robot Insurance
Subject: [DPRG] Old Glory Robot Insurance
From: Dale Wheat
dale at dalewheat.com
Date: Thu Oct 2 00:34:01 CDT 2003
This "commercial" appeared several years ago on Saturday Night Live. I saw
a rerun the other day and had to track it down:
Old Lady #1: When my ex-husband passed away, the insurance company said his
policy didn't cover him.
Old Lady #2: They didn't have enough money for the funeral.
Old Lady #3: It's so hard nowadays, with all the gangs and rap music..
Old Lady #1: What about the robots?
Old Lady #4: Oh, they're everywhere!
Old Lady #1: I don't even know why the scientists make them.
Old Lady #2: Darren and I have a policy with Old Glory Insurance, in case
we're attacked by robots.
Old Lady #1: An insurance policy with a robot plan? Certainly, I'm too old.
Old Lady #2: Old Glory covers anyone over the age of 50 against robot
attack, regardless of current health.
[ cut to Sam Waterston, Compensated Endorser ]
Sam Waterson: I'm Sam Waterston, of the popular TV series "Law & Order". As
a senior citizen, you're probably aware of the threat robots pose. Robots
are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel. Well, now
there's a company that offers coverage against the unfortunate event of
robot attack, with Old Glory Insurance. Old Glory will cover you with no
health check-up or age consideration. [ SUPER: Limitied Benefits First Two
Years ] You need to feel safe. And that's harder and harder to do nowadays,
because robots may strike at any time. [ show pie chart reading "Cause of
Death in Persons Over 50 Years of Age": Heart Disease, 42% - Robots, 58% ]
And when they grab you with those metal claws, you can't break free..
because they're made of metal, and robots are strong. Now, for only $4 a
month, you can achieve peace of mind in a world full of grime and robots,
with Old Glory Insurance. So, don't cower under your afghan any longer. Make
a choice. [ SUPER: "WARNING: Persons denying the existence of Robots may be
Robots themselves. ] Old Glory Insurance. For when the metal ones decide to
come for you - and they will.
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